When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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