I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize