i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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