Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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