sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
