I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
