Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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