i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I need to calm my uterus...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
