Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
