We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
