the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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