If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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