how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize