went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
