areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
