Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
