Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
