I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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