You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
