Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
