remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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