I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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