...so i touched it.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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