Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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