??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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