Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
