So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
