It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
