Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Randomize
