At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
