Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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