you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
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We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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