i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
