Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
