dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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