I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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