I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
