Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
