don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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