Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize