did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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