Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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