And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
