Define "chronic" masturbator.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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