Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
