u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
