my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
