idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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