Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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