Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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