I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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