I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
