but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
