I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
