so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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