dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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