shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
