I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
