You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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