Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My balls are so social today.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
