I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
