It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
