I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
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honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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