lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
