So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
