please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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