i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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