I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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