haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Never joke about your clitoris.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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