Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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