I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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