I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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