Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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