I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
