There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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