I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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